Often on our journeys we will come across people who are having similar issues. You talk to one person, same issue, the next same issue, it's kind of come in for you too and you wonder how could this be? This is when we are collectively healing something.
The Father Wound.
A wound sent through generations of DNA right here for the collective unfolding, if we dare. Did you know you can actively change your DNA? When you do the inner work and change patterns / timelines / trauma etc you are changing the DNA. You are changing it so the next generation is not passed on the same patterns. When I understood this properly, I knew that I wanted to make changes. Stop a cycle. End the chaos.
One wound I believe that is collectively showing up is the Father Wound. One thing most humans crave is the 'acceptance of the father' or in a recent Aubrey Marcus podcast described as 'blessing of the father'. I can safely say, most people feel this. It is important to them and if they didn't have it from their own father it can send them through turmoil in their life - not all - but most. But one thing to understand is, if this has been going on generations and your own father was not accepted by his father, how can we possibly expect him to know how to show the same for you? Yes, we can change of course. But do we think our parents generation were equipped to change? Their main focus was and is survival. That won't change. It's the next generation that is here to make the change. Change the DNA.
When we think of acceptance or blessing of the father we think of our dad being proud of us. Loving us unconditionally no matter what we chose to 'do'.
I remember as a child I would follow my dad around religiously. A typical 'dads girl'. Even though he had 3 sons, I wanted to still do all the boy things, being out with dad, not in with mum. Now looking at this and how I might have been, I craved the acceptance of my father. Being able to do all the things the 'boys' could do. Why? Conditioning and also I came from a very catholic, European background where males were seen superior to females. So already, even at a young age, I could already feel the need to be 'accepted'. Even if my dad didn't mean to. See he very much was over the moon when he finally got a girl but what he didn't know that he had wounding and he didn't know this would manifest into his reality. It really didn't, not until teen years (well for me anyway, my brothers would have had a completely different upbringing than I did). It was in the teens when I started to become a 'woman' that the 'acceptance' kicked in. A destructive pattern of 'you need to be the way I say you will be'. You can not say this, you can not wear that, you can not act like that. More and more absence, more and more distance created from my dad who I once adored and wanted to be around 24/7. This was both he and I's wounding that did this. He is not entirely to blame and this is just my experience, not his. If I look at it now with a more open and accepting lens, I see this an unconscious pattern. I see it this way because it's so engrained in them, they don't even know their own identity. If I feel into my dad's energy from a child, it was very different to the teen & even adult. When the unconscious wounding stepped in. Then I also bring in other wounds, wounds of not being protected by my dad at a young age (which he didn't even know), wounds from other lives and so much more.
The only way I could describe this is that as a teen / adult we can actively mirror back the wounds. They can see more clear. As children we are so innocent and do as we're told and we are playing, life isn't as serious. Yes, the wounds will still show. I know my sister-in-law always tells me how her children show her wounds. So I am sure they come up. But in my experience, the teen / adult ones are the ones I remember the most.
These are also stories that we create. Words and meaning to somehow protect us from a truth of, it just is as it is meant to be for the path chosen.
So now I have brought myself to a place of knowing and now acceptance, for those timelines and this current timeline. This is where I change the DNA so that it doesn't have to carry on for any longer. Who knows how long back. I forgive my father, I forgive myself, and I forgive the generations of men that did the best they could with the tools that they had.
But not everybody is as accepting. Which is perfectly ok, all in divine timing. We are all ready to see and move through when we are ready. When it ‘clicks’ I like to call it.
I am seeing this wounding very evident in people's 'anger toward their fathers' 'anger toward the fathers of their children' 'anger toward men with father wounds' 'anger toward women with father wounds'. Then in the reverse we see people's wounds surfacing by showing in non-acceptance for another and going against our own beliefs/morals to 'show' the wound who's boss. There are much bigger, deeper things at play with the father wound of course, but this is just what I currently see.
I am also seeing this play out in relationships. My previous blog spoke about acceptance. This is the undertone for a father wound. It can also be a mother wound or combined. This can look like 'you have to behave like this' or distance when you aren't fulfilling their needs. There are so many signs of wounding when a relationship doesn't seem to be working. Look at your relationships, have a look at people you wish were more accepting of you... do they have a great relationship with their father? You may not even know. It can also skip generations. But it can be healed, it can be accepted. All the parts of us are just waiting for acceptance. I believe the parts can be healed together or apart, it really doesn't make a difference. For me, when I was in a relationship it was hard to do it when we both had heavy father wounds and the mirror was bouncing back like a strobe like at a disco sometimes haha so I had to go it alone. But if you are in a relationship and the wound feels heavy, work on it together. It might even be easier! It takes a lot of forgiving and a lot of acceptance. Take your time, there is no rush in this healing process, I promise you.
So how do we really change this?
I see acceptance or blessing of the father as firstly, accepting and blessing your own father for doing the best he could do with the tools that he had (regardless of how 'bad' it was). Then doing the same for 7-8 generations of fathers before him. Once we have done this, moving forward and accepting of all humans as they are doing the best they can with the tools that they have.
Secondly, I see this as accepting and blessing yourself. This could almost come first as it would help in doing the above. You are allowed to give yourself all the acceptance you need. You and your father are of the same essence and therefore by accepting yourself, he accepts you. I accept you. Everyone accepts you. As not accepting you as you accept yourself is a mirror to us not accepting ourselves. Do you see the pattern here? Once we accept ourselves, their lack of acceptance is only as deep as their own acceptance of themselves. A hard concept to wrap around but if you can read that a few times, it could be the catalyst to your pathway to healing the father wound.
If this is truly collective, then we will continue feeling this until we heal it. We can do as much as we want to hide it. We can be angry, we can not talk to people, we can drink, we can do drugs. Do all the things to mask your pain, but ask yourself, if you have children would you want them to carry the same pain? Would you want everyone around you to feel the same pain? Because once you accept, once you change the DNA, you are changing the DNA for those around you too. Including your father (even if he's deceased).
There is so much humility in saying 'he hurt me so deeply' but I am now going to help him as he may never be able to do for me.
Make the change. Be the change. Clear that energy for generations to come.
A collective undoing for the emergence of acceptance in the world.